Being Still and Living In the Moment

A little over a year ago Scott and I sent Zak and Elyse on a flight to Los Angeles for Winter Break, to stay two weeks with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It was heartbreaking waiting alongside other families in the airport terminal who were excited to be going away for the winter holidays. We felt separated, disjointed, broken.
Here we are again, yet this time I traveled with Zak and Elyse to be with family. It's been two years since we were last in LA, for Thanksgiving 2012; the five of us.
I had very mixed feelings about this trip. Besides spending time with family, I longed for time at the beach. I went for early morning walks, sat at the water's edge and gazed for long periods of time, and even caught a couple of sunsets.
I know Scott and Ethan have done well, and I am extremely grateful knowing they were surrounded by our wonderful nurses and terrific friends who made sure Ethan still got his daily standing and stretching time.
For my part I did my best to live in the moment and soak up all the rejuvenating energy and love from the west.
As I return home tonight (the kids will stay another week), I look forward to celebrating Scott's birthday with him tomorrow and then turning the calendar to 2015.
A few nights ago we lit the final candles for Chanukah and celebrated #8NE2. It was simply amazing. I don't even know what else to say. Watching the photos and videos coming in from around the world once again reminded me of the love and support that continues to surround us. It was a beautiful Chanukah miracle. The light from that night will remain with me for many months to come, as will the sounds and sights of being at the ocean.
I wanted to stop the spin cycle I experience on a daily basis and just be still. Even with all this, I felt incomplete knowing we were not all together. These feelings are no different from the ones I experience every time we do something as a family and leave Ethan at home with his nurse. I leave a piece of myself with him, and carry a piece of him with me.